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AMES' SERIES OF 

..,DARD AND MINOR DRAMA. 
NO. 219. 



Mas AND BOTTLES. 



( .LV ORIGIXAL COMEDY. ) 



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After Ten Years 7 5 

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Bill Detrick 7 3 

Brae, the Poor House Grirl.... 4 4 

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Conn; or, Love's Victory 11 3 

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Driven from Home 7 4 

East Lynne 8 7 

Emigrant's Daughter 8 3 

Factory Girl 6 3 

Fielding iManor 9 6 

Hal Hazard, 25c 10 3 

Heroic Dutchman of '76 8 3 

Henry Granden..., 11 8 

How He Did It 3 2 

Hidden Treasures 4 2 

Hunter of the Alps 9 4 

Hidden Hand 15 7 

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Great Rebellion, 25c 10 5 

Lady of Lyons 12 5 

Lady Audley's Secret 4 

Man and Wife 12 7 

Maud's Peril 5 3 

Midnight Mistake 6 2 

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Michael Erie 8 3 

Miller of Derwcnt "\Vater 5 2 

Mistletoe Bough 7 o 

Mountebanl<s (The) 6 2 

Old Honesty 5 2 

Old Phil's Birthday 5 3 

Outcast's Wife 12 3 

Out on the Woi Id 5 4 

Oath Bound 6 2 

Painter of Ghent 5 .'! 

Poacher's Doom 8 3 

Reverses ]2 6 

Rock Allen 5 3 

Spy of Atlanta, 2oc 14 3 

Thekla 9 4 

The False Friend 6 1 

The Fatal I'.low 7 1 

The Forty-Niners 10 4 

'ihe (^c ntlcmau in Black 9 4 

The New Miigdalen 8 3 

The Reward of Crime 5 3 

Through Snow and Sunshine 6 4 

The Vow of the Ornani 7 1 

Ticket of Leave Man 9 3 

Toodlea 7 2 

Uncle Tom's Cabin 15 7 

Will-o'-the-Wisp 9 4 



ax 



NO. M. F. 

41 Won at Last „ 7 3 

192 Zion 7 4 

TEMPERANCE PLAYS. 

73 At Last 7 1 

75 Adrift 5 4 

187 Aunt Dinah's Pledge 6 S 

202 Drunkard [The] 13 5 

185 Drunkari's Warning 6 3 

189 Drunkard's Doom 15 5 

181 Fifteen Years of a Drunk- 
ard's Life 13 4 

183 Fruits of the Wine Cup 6 3 

104 Lost 6 2 

146 Our Awful Aunt 4 4 

53 Out in the Streets 6 4 

51 Rescued 5 3 

59 Saved 2 3 

102 Turn of the Tide 7 4 

63 Three Glasses a Day 4 2 

62 Ten Nights in a Bar-Room... 7 3 

58 WreckLd^ 9 3 

COMEtlES, 

168 A Pleasure Trip 7 5 

136 A Legal Holiday 5 3 

124 An Afflicted Family 7 5 

178 Caste 5 3 

199 Home 4 3 

174 Love's Labor Not Lost 3 3 

149 New Years in N. Y 7 6 

37 Not So Bad After All 6 5 

2.37 Not Such a F.iol as He Looks 6 3 

126 Our Daughters 8 6 

114 Passions 8 4 

219 Ra-sand liottles 4 1 

221 Solon Shingle 14 2 

87 The Biter Bit 3 2 

TRAGEDIES. 

16 The Serf 6 3 

FARCES AND COMEDIETTAS. 

129 Aar-u-ag-oos 2 1 

132 Actor and Servant 1 1 

12 A Capital Match 3 2 

166 A Texan Muther-in-Law 4 6 

30 A Day Well Spent 7 5 

1()9 A Regular Fix 2 4 

cSO Alarmingly Suspicious 4 3 

78 An Awfi.l CrimiiKil 3 3 

65 An Unwelcome Return 3 1 

31 A Pet of the Public 4 2 

21 A Uomantic Attachment 3 3 

12; A Thrilling Item 3 1 

20 A Ticket of Leave 3 2 

175 Betsev linker 2 2 

8 Better Half 5 2 

86 Black vs. White 4 2 

22 Captain Sjuifli 3 3 

84 Cheek Will Win 3 

225 Cupi s Ciiiiers 4 4 

49 Der Two Surprises 1 1 



j^ 



RAGS AND BOTTLES ; 



OR, 



THE TWO WAIFS. 

AN ORIGINAL COMEDY, 

IN TWO ACTS, 

By M. Stewart Taylor, 

Author of Auld Robin Gray, The Affiicted Family , Aar- 
^i-ag-oos, etc. 



PRINTED FROM THE AUTHOR'S ORIGINAL MANUSCRIPT. 



TO WHICH IS ADDED 

A DESCEIPTION OF THE COSTUMES— CAST OF THE CHARACTERS- 
ENTRANCES AND EXITS-RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE 
PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE 
OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. 



y 



/ . ■ 

Entered according to act of Congress in the year 1887, by 

A. D.^ AMES. 

in the office of the Librarian of Conyress at Washington. 



^ MAY 14 1887/ 



y 



CLYDE, OHIO: 

A. D. AMES, PUBLISHER. 



BAGS AND BOTTLES. 






CHABACTEKS. 

BOTTLES, I : r,™ TF,7d TTa,/. 

BRISKET, A Bulb/ Butcher's Boy 

EEV. ABRAHAM CLEARSTARCH A Colporteur 

NABBEM A Policeman 



COSTUMES-MODERN. 

— o — 

1 TIME OF PERFORMANCE— 1 1-4 HOURS. 

— o — 

SCENE J.— Street in 2 grooves. 
SCENE II.— c. D. Fancy Chamber in 4th grooves. 
Chairs and table, table set. 

— o — 

PROPERTIES. 

Bundle of tracts, butcher's basket, barrel, purse with 
coin, ring, full lay-out for table, a paper bag, champagne 
bottle. 

— o — ] '. 

STAGE DIBECTIONS. 

E., means Right; L.. Left; r. h., Right Hand, l. h.. Left Hand; c. Centre; s. b ; 
2dE.,] Second Entrance; u. e., Upper Entrance; m. d.. Middle Door; p., the Flat; 
D. F., Door in Flat; R. c. Right of Centre; l. c, Left of Centre. 

K. E, c. c. L. c. I,. 

*^* Xtie reader is supposed tobe upon the Stage facias the audieneo. 



RAGS AND BOTTLES, 



SCENE I- Street. 

Enter, Rev. Clearstarch, r., a sanciimonious looking in- 
dividual, vjith a hundle of tracts. 

Rev. Clearstarch, (looking about) Um— aw ! Well, 
where am I? Metlnnks I have wandered from the straight 
road. Thinking of the present I bought for my daughter 
and allowing my mind to dwell on such worldly vanities, I 
have lost my way. Thus it is, the soul having but the bau- 
ble pleasures of this world in sight loses it's way and wan- 
ders in forbidden paths. Um-aw, I must retrace my steps 
ere yet it be too late, {crosses l.) Yonder comes a stran- 
ger, I will enquire and perhaps he can direct me. But sup- 
pose he should be one of those unprincipled ruffians who 
resort to unlawful means to further their selfish ends. I 
will venture to address him, however, believing the dignity 
of my cloth will overawe him and make him respectful — 
Um-aw ! 

Enter, Brisket, r., ivlth hasket, they collide and hoth how 
in apology. 

Rev. C. My friend, can you tell me how to reach the 
house ? 

Brisket. Yes, I can. 

Rev. C. Well, would you ? 

Brls. Well, I might if you wanted me to. 

Rev. C. Then will you, please ? 

Brls. Well, the nearest way is a roundabout way^ but 
'the straightest way is the farthQrest. 



4 EAGS AND BOTTLES. 

Rev. C. Um-aw ! my friend so it is in our lives. ' The 
broad and straight road leadeth ever the easiest, yet the 
narrow and hard road is the best. So, friend, direct me 
that way. 

Bris. Preacher I see by your talk ? also your choker 
and dickey, but it ain't alius a sure sign, for sharpers often 
take on such tags for a purpose. 

Rev. C. Yes, friend, the enemy often assumes the guise 
of our cloth to accomplish their nefarious designs, but I am 
glad you have discernment enough to recognize a true man 
of the gospel. 

B7'is. Well, I only hope your practice is like your 
preachin', all straight and true. But as to the way you're to 
go. Now, you see that tall building to the right? 

Rev. a Yes. 

Bris. Well, you turn fust corner beyond that, and keep 
straight on till you come to a church with a railin' 'round 
it. Methodis'. Is that your persuasion ? 

Rev. a No. 

Bris. Tiscopal ? 

Rev. a No. 

Bris. Presbyterian ? 

Rev. a No. 

Bris. Baptist? 

Rev. C. No. ^ 

Bris. Nothin' ? 

Rev. C. No — that is, yes— I mean — • 

Bris. Mormon ? 

Rev. a Sir? 

Bris. Well, what then ? 

Rev. C. I am an ordained minister of the Church of Un- 
bounded Charity. 

Bris. Oh, yes ; well then you turn ag'in to the right, 
keep on two squares and you're there. 

Rev. C. And you keep turning to the right ? 

Bris. Yes, keep to the right. 

Rev. C. Um-aw, as the law directs. 

Bris. That's right, and if you don't go right, you'll get 
left. 

Rev. C. Um-aw ! yes^ but here, my good man is a trifle 
for your kindness, {offering coin 



RAGS AND BOTTLES. 5 

£7'is. I'm one of those kind wliat takes nothin' wliar I 
gives nothin'. Keep your charity ibr some ncfdy person. 

Rev. O. Um-aw! then accept mj thanks. 

Bris. Yes, for bein' only words, and words only air, and 
air only nothin', them don't count nothin'. 

Hev. O. Um-aw ! then good day. 

{exit L., dropping jyocJcet-hook 

Bris. He's a queer cove. Talks good, but I'd rather 
see a man act good. Deeds count more than words with 
me, if I do leave the bone and fat on till I weighs the steak. 
But that's only with the rich big-bugs what can stand it^ 
and then I generally gives the suet and bones to some poor 
widow for a dumpling or a pot of soup. Well, seein' no 
one about, and not bein' in a hurry I'll just amuse myself a 
little. {Specialty may he introduced here. After song he 
crosses B., looking hack L,.) Hallo! here comes that poor 
little waif, "Rags" they call her. Wild little highway 
blossom, comin' up like a blade o' grass, uncultured and un- 
cared for in some corner of the street. I wonder if she is 
hungry, poor thing ? She most always is, and devours the 
bologny I sometimes give her, as ravenously as a starved 
kitten. I often feel as though I ought to take her and give 
her a home and good upbringin', seein' I aint got no kids o' 
my own. 

Miter, 'Rags, lu. , stops to pick over ruhhish in hnrr el, sud- 
denly sees p)urse, and stands as if fixed for a second, she 
then I'ushes for it, picking it up, then looks l., and 
runs offii. 

Bris. There, what did she pick up then ? Something 
that looked like a purse. May be it was the minister man's, 
he just had it out. Like as not he dropped it putting it un- 
der his long black coqt into his pocket. She (looks off) has 
gone after him, honest little thing ! But he's gone out of 
sight, so here she comes back, I will stand aside and watch 
her. {goes R. 

Enter, Rags, l., running. 

Mags. Phew, I'm out 'o wind ! I runned arter that 
man I passed, thinkin' he dropped this, but he'd got out 'o 
sight. I don't see nobody down this way what could of 
dropped it, 'Sides findin's keepin'. {jumps) Oh, Jimiay, 



6 RAGS AND BOTTLES. 

aint I lucky, this puss is full 'o shiners, I know by the heft 
of it, but I won't look in till I see Bottles. I wonder where 
he's gone to ! Crickey, don't I wish he was here? Won't 
he just bug out his peepers when he sees this? Won't he 
just be tickled to death and come to life ag'in ? I think I 
sees him jump up and down, {jum2)ing) happy, oh, happy 
aren't no name for it— why I feels as if I could hardly keep 
from dancing myself, {struts) No more rags for me — I'm 
a hairess, I is. Won't the dudes try to mash me and catch 
on, now that I've got the ducats ? {jumping) There's no use 
winking at me now. Well, as Bottles haint come yet, I'll 
practise that step him and me's learn in', before we goes for 
a posish on the leg-it-i-might stage, if we aren't stopped by 
the Prevention of Society for cruelty to the children. 

{Song and da}ice introduced — exit L. 

Enter, Bottles, r., strutting tragimUy. 

Bottles. Whoop : {throws uj) cap) As the Juke's 
Hotter feller sez, " I'm all here," that is what there is left 
'o me. "Methinks was me lady mother, (rest her shade) to 
see me now, she'd scarce recogmomber the sighan of her il- 
lustrated hne." That's what the actor said . I wish I wuz 
an actor, a real downright high-toned artist on the hisstry- 
on-ic board. Wouldn't I jist make the gallery gods yell, and 
boom it on the high tragic elevated line? you bet. An' why 
can't I be a A, number 1, 0. K. C. 0. D., this side up, han- 
dle with care, actor, like Ned Booth ? I could do a good 
turn on the variety stage like this — {song and dance intro- 
duced) — but that aint what I want, I mean one o' them 
kind what chews soap and tears their hair, and gets off 
somethin' like this. (struts up) and down, spouts "Toby 
er not toby," them's the words he said. I'm puttin' in my 
oar what sez that Bottles is jist goin' to make his mark in 
the hiss-try-on-ic walks. It'll be a cold day when Cham- 
pagne Bottles, Esquire, gits left. Now for a sample dose o' 
me galorious gift, {jumps up on harrel and sp>outs) "Right 
smart and high mighty signurs, that I have skipped the 
gutter with yer darter, tra-la-loo, surpasses the, toby or not 
toby." "Ah, ha ! there's the rub ! If it's better for a world's 
juke like meself to yank bottles, paltry bottles from the ashes, 
or fling me heels in the glim o' the theayter, then 'tis more 
fitti»' for genius to let slip her dogs o, war-r-r and nip her 



RAGS AND BOTTLES. 7 

up Eliza Jane." {holds up hottle) "This is a pignard in 
me grip ; oft have I carved bologny sassengers with this 
blade in me father's festive banquet halls on the Rhine. 
Toby, or not toby, that's the sub' before this September 
mob. Toby an actor on the mim' stage, or to yank bottles. 
Shall or shall I not? I wait yer response." {loohs around 

During the cibove Rags sloioly enters, l., watching him. 

Rags. Bully for you, Bottles ! yer the daisy actor o' 
this theayter, an' I'm criket, jedge an' jury as sez so. 

{ela/ps her hands) 

Bot. isjjouts) ^'Avaunt ! Thy comin' from the lower 
regions brings me fell news. What, ho ! spectral form of 
strange garb, dost bring me news from me dad's festive 
hall ? Hast with thee Yarrick's skull ? Oft have I seen 
him caress his downy mustache, which did cling there like 
the fur on a sick cat's tail. Ah, ha ! poor Tom's a-cold — " 
{jumps down) I say. Rags, what have you got ? 

Hags. Oh, Bottles ! 

{gives him one hand holding the other iehindher 

Bot. Poor little Rags, cold as a lump of ice. Where 
you been? What you got, an, what you goin' to do with 
it? If you'se been an' got nuthin', an' can't do any thin', then 
come with yer guargen, he's got ten cents, an' ten cents '11 
buy a cup of coffee an' a plate of fried cakes, kid. 

Bags Bottles, what's the most money yer ever had in 
all yer life ? 

Bot. To once do yer mean. Rags ? 

Bags. Yup. 

Bot. Well, let me see, I had — why last thanksgivin* I 
had as much as one-seventv-five. 

Bags, (lets go his Jiand) Yer poor thing ! Yer too 
poor for me to 'sociate with, {draws her ragged skirt away 

Bot. See here, Rags, yer's alius been square with yer 
guargen, yer's got some thin' on yer mind, just tell the null 
thing, or — I'll cut yer off with te.n cents, not havin* the reg- 
'lar shillin'. 

Bags. Feast yer eyes on that. {holds out purse 

Bot. {starts hack as he sees purse, then gazes at her as 
if in repi'oach) Rags, hain't I brought you up better nor 
this ? You, you who I picked up out of the gutter. Oh, it's 
sharper than a snake's tail to have a priggin' darter. 



8 RAGS AND BOTTLES. 

Rags. But I didn't prig the purse. 

Bot. {embraces her) Ah, spoken like me own dutiful 
chyild. I say, Rags, is the puss well heeled ? 

Rags. I hain't looked ; it's heavy though, an' it jingles. 
I only found it just now, I was waitin' for you to open it. 

Bot. {takes purse) It feels well heeled. I say, Rags, 
where's the peeler? {looks around eaatiously , crossings. 

Rags. I passed him a bit ago down at the other end of 
his beat. {crosses l. 

Bot. Yer did me observent chyild, 'tis well. Now 
'sposen we sits down here an' counts the contents of this 
puss. Rags, {they come c.) I say, kid, we'll have a daisy 
meal to-day. Did yer know to-day was the day for doin' 
big feedin' ? 

Rags. Nixy. {shakes head 

Bot. It's a regular hollerday an' all us rich coons don't 
have to do nottin' but enjoy ourselves. 

Rags. A hollerday? with the band and the police and 
fireworks ? 

Bot. Rags, yer out of yer latitude, as the sailors down 
to the Hum sez. To-day's Thanksgivin', kid. 

Rags. What's that. Bottles? 

Bot. The day set 'part fur doin' big feedin'. Sabe ? 

Rags. Yup. 

Bot. I say. Rags, did 'ny one see you pick it up, this 
puss ? 

Rags. No, I jist seed it kinder jammed down in a big 
crack an' I picked it up. A man what had jist gone by I 
think dropped it. I run arter him, but he got out of sight, so 
I jist kept it. 

Bot. And a purty good lift it was. Rags, that one lift 
means big feedin' fur you and I 'long with the swells. If 
there's nutF ducats left we'll get some new togs an' board 
'round a spell 'fore settlin' down to biz again, {about to sit) 
Nixey, now there comes somebody. 

Enter, Brisket, crosses stage. Bottles walks up and down 
with hands in pocket whistling. Rags dives her head in- 
to barrel and loses balance — -falls in, Bottles extricates 
her. 

Bot. What yer doin', playin' ostridge? Havin' a stavin' 
time, as the boys sez, hoopin' her up? Well, he's gone by. 



EAGS AND BOTTLES. 9 

S; 
skirtycoat so's to kind 



Bags, now fur it. Say, darter, sit close and spread yer 
id of hide what I'm doin'. Sabe ? 



(sif,i R. c. 

jRa^s. How, so? {kneels e. c, spreadlmj out dress 

Bot. {i)ouvs out contents of 2>urse) Rags, I reckon 
there's nuft' ducats to buy a nomination. 

Hags. What's that? {Jiolds aj^'on- no he can count 

Bot. Don't know? Well, woman's rights bill hain't 
passed yet, so no odds. Gosh! I think there's 'nuff to buy a 
hull house from bottom to cabaza — 

Bags. Really, Bottles ? 

{cJaj)2)tng hands, drojps coin on ground 

Bot. There, gold's gone down. 

Bags. I didn't think. 

Bot. Well, yer ought to think. Now fur the count. 
Ye hear yer guargen talk ! I hain't much on the count, but 
I guess I can strike it within a hundred — ^jist foller me. 
Hello ! here's sumthin' else in the puss ! A ring ! Bah! I 
don't take no stock in them things ; can get a hull cart-load 
just like it at the five cent store for a nickle. Put her on, 
kid. 

Bags, {puts ring on) It jist fits my finger. 

Bot. Now for the ducats. Rags, ducats is the root 
hog or die, an' I'm just porker 'nuff to root into 'em. One, 
there ! — grand and galorious signurs, here's more than ten 
double buzzards. Them stands for twenty dollars; {^riles 
them up) — two of 'em is forty, and so on xectery. Here 
goes for a count. One two, three, four, five. That's just 
an even hundred. Phew ! rich is no name for it. Put 
yer finger on that pile. Rags, yer holdin' dovv^n one hun- 
dred dollars. Does it burn yer fingers? I'll even up that 
pile, and, presto ! there's two hundred dollars. Two hun- 
dred dollars and other chicken feed too numerous to men- 
tion, [sioeeping it all into purse — gets up) Now let's go 
and buy a brown stone front. {crosses, r. 

Bags. But, Bottles, I'm hungry, I want somethin' to 
eat fust. 

Bot. Yer does, eh ! Ye poor hungry kid. Well, come 
along then, an' we'll both have a great and glorious feed — 
but first, Rags, let's have a step or two. I feel so tickled 
'cause we's so lucky, 'sides though yer name hain't Tommy 
Tucker, yer ought to sing for yer supper — I mean dinner; 



^0 RAGS AND BOTTLES. 

and here comes our butcher friend, he'll join in, won't ye? 

Enter, Brisket, r. 

Brisk. I'm always in when there's fun. 

{the three sing and dance and exit 

SCENE II — Restaurant — tahles and chairs R. c. and l. c. 
Enter, Brisket, c. d. 

Bris. Why, business don't seem to be very lively here 
to-day. Customers rather scarce, trade falling off I'm 
afraid. Just as I told him when he started in using flank 
roasts and chuck steak. These restaurants think to make 
money by using poor cuts but they lose in the end. Well, 
I suppose the boss is in the kitchen discussing with the cook 
how to make chicken salad out of veal, and a church socia- 
ble oyster stew out of six oysters. ilooJcs off) Hallo ! who's 
that outside, acting as if afraid to come in ? Why, I declare 
if it isn't Rags and Bottles, all dressed up. Come to have the 
boss feed they talked about ; I wish I could watch them — I 
know, I will get Sweeney to let me personate the waiter, 
and wait on 'em. {Exit r. 1 e. 

Enter, Clearstarch, c. 

Bev, C. Um-aw ! Surely this is an eating saloon — 
{looks about) — yet I do not see any one here. I am fatigued 
with my walk, and must take some slight nourishment to 
refresh me. Um-aw ! Here comes the waiter. 

Enter, Brisket, with ajpron on. 

Bev. C. This is a restaurant, I believe ? 

Bris. Yes, sir, {aside) He doesn't know me. 

Bev. O. Um-aw ! Yes, well then my good man I would 
like to partake of a slight collation. Having exerted my- 
self somewhat, walking about town, I feel the need of some 
slight refreshment. 

Bris. Dinner, eh, sir? Just ready now. Four courses, 
fifty cents. 

Bev. C. Um-aw ! No, a lunch will do, I dine at six at 
home. 

Bris. Very well, sit this way, sir, these tables are for 
gentlemen accompanied by ladies. 



EAGS AND BOTTLES. 11 

Rev. C. Um-aw, yes. Will you please relieve me of 
my coat. 

Bris. {takes off coat) Anything i;i the pockets, sir? 

Rev. C. Only some tracts. One of whicli I will gladly 
give you for perusal at your leisure. 

Bris. Thank you, sir; this way, sir. {exeunt l, u. e. 

Miter, Eags and Bottles, r., dressed up. 

Bat. This is the rest-y our- aunt. Gome on in, Rags, 
needn't be bashful. We's as good as the rest of the big 
bears. 

Rags. But wait till 1 gits ray Gainsborough hat set 
straight, {sets it on. one side) There ! {comes doiort o., 
froudly yet ungainly. Bottles rnocTcing dude.) 

Enter, Brisket, l. u. e. 

Bris. Well, young man, what do you want ?• 

Bot. Hev you tables for ladies, me bud ? 

Bris. Yes, here. {shoioing table l. 

Bot. Be seated me lady — {seated at tahle) Now, wait- 
er, the William of Ayr. 

Bris. The what ? 

Bot. The mean yer, the programme, the price list, the 
catalogue. 

Bris. {hands him hill of fare) This ? 

Bot. Yup. But say, fellow, I left me eye glass on the 
piano at me hotel. Will you please read this for me ? 

Bris. What game are you playing, youngster? 

Bot. Oh cheese the fine talk. Say, cully, I wants the 
best lay out you can guv us. 

Bris. Can you pay for it? 

Bot. Kin we ? Say, boss, Rags an' me has had a strea.k 
of luck, an' we's flush of the ready, an' we wants a square 
meal fur onct, somthin' slap up good an' toney, you know 
— an' here's for yourself, {gives him coin 

Bris. What ? eh ? Oh — all right — an' what will yer la- 
dy — Miss — 

Bot. Mrs., if you please — Mrs. Longtrail, my friend 
from Hengland, you know, an' me names Fweddy. My 
paws rich. 

Bris. You ain't gel-hard, you're gel-emy. 



12 RAGS AND BOTTLES. 

Bot. That's all right — now for the wiands to spread the 
festive board, guvnor. 

Bris. I'll go get them, {aside) They do not recog- 
nize me, I will serve 'em for the fun of it. {exit 

Bot. Do so, an' you Rags, hadn't you better take off 
your gloves? The high toned ones alius do. 

Rags. Yep. {taA'es off (jloves awhwardly) But say, just 
look at that man over there eatin' up the bokay what's on 
the table. 

Bot. Ho, ho, ho ! that ain't no bokay, you greeny, that's 
celery. 

Eags. Salary ? 

Bot. No, not salary, only actors gets that — that is some- 
times, when the ghost Avalks — Sabe ? 

Bags. Yep. {stands up and fixes dress, sit^ down lan- 
guidly a la lady) Say, Bottles, here's jig sand on the floor, 
'spose while the man's gone I give you a step or two seein* 
on one's lookin'. Uie pats ichile she dances 

Bot. That's good Rags, yer improving. Behold me 
faithful leige vassal with the banquet wittals. 

Enter, Briskkt, with tray of dishes. 

Bris. Here ye are, me lord Nibs, five courses, and as 
good a lay out as this establishment affords, fit for a king. 

{sets table 

Bot. Well, served, me trusty steward. 

Bris. And there's the checks, just a dollar. 

Bot. All hunky, me bud, I'll see the cashier later. 
Now me lady, pitch in an' help yerself. {helps herself) Hold 
on there, no fingers, take yer fork so. {hoth. eat ravenously 

Bris. {aside) Now if they ain't enjoyin' themselves no 
one ever did. Well, let them, bless them, poor little 
wretches, it isn't often they have a square meal and they 
may never have as good. Just see them eat J I declare it 
makes me hungry to look at them. Hallo, the tract man 
has got through, here he comes. 

Enter, Rev. Clearstarch, l. u. e, 

Bev. C. Um-aw ! here you are. Waiter, my hat and 
coat, please. 

Bris. Yes sir, help you on with it ? {^s he does the tracts 
falls out^ You dropped somethin'. 



RAGS AND BOTTLES. 1^ 

Rev. C. So I perceive. Well, I cannot stop to pick 
them up, so will leave them for you to distribute among 
your customers. 

Bris. You are very kind, but our customers want the 
substantial food, not the spiritual. 

Mev. C Um-aw, yes. Well, I must go. 

Bris. Your check, sir. (Jiands it to him 

Rev. C. Eh ? Oh, ah, yes, I forgot, absent minded, I 
will find the cashier outside ? 

Bi'is. Yes. 

Rev. C. Um-aw! I see. {2m8sing the tmifs) "Why, 
what a strange couple. They look like street children, yet 
how strangely attired, and the girl has a diamond ring on — 
how very odd to be sure. {exit looking at them 

Bris. As waiter I suppose I shaU have to clean up the 
parson's leavin's, — not much you bet, no scraps to help make 
to morrow's stew. They won't leave much either. Heaven 
help them, they'll never forget this day. {exit L. u. E. 

Bot. I say. Rags, hain't this just old scrumptious? 

Rags. Yep. {stiijjing her mouth with hread 

Bot. See here, kid, don't be was tin' yer catitites on sich 
common grub as bread. Sail into the beans — an' salard — 
an' ham — an' eggs — an' cranberry — an' sass — an' turkey. 
Turkey is the galorious bird of freedom to-day. 
Helping her and himself to some of each as he names them, 

then holds up turkey leg — Rags getting her fingers all 

jelly she licks them. 

Bot. Hold up. Rags, don't lick yer fingers. Haven't I 
learnt you better nor that ? Use yer napkin. 

Rags. This ? {takes up najykin 

Bot. Yep, fix it around yer neck, so. 

{takes up corner of table cloth 

Rags. So ? {doing so 

Bot. I'm goin' to make a lady of you, kid, an' I'm bound 
to have you git on to them, small items. 
^ Rags. All right. Bottles, I guess yer right, 1 ain't up in 
sich eatin' as this, an' yer must exsquese slips. 

Bot. Here's the wine list. Do we want Mumm ? 

{passing over hill of fare 

Rags. Nixy. 'Tain't for sich as us. Bottles. ''Sides 
you'n I has started out in the temperance racket, an* it 
hain't the thing for us to use budge. 



14 EA(SS AND BOTTLES. 

Bot. Yer speakin' in a right toot now, Bags, I only 
mentioned the fact for fun. Can't you smuggle one of them 
tails, Bags? 

Rags. Hain't it stealin' ? 

Bot. Not if the court knows hisself, I paid for all that 
comes to this table in the way of grub. I own all but them 
dishes, spoons, forks and sich, an' — but hold up, I'll go put 
a flea in the fellow's ear who takes the checks, an' pay my 
bill. {rises, 2yulls tahle cloth, cthiwst drags dishes off 

Rags. Hold on, yer fast. 

Bot. So I am, too fast — that's what comes of bein* rich, 
now I'm all right, wait till I come back. {exit, c. 

Enter, Kev. Cleakstarch, slyly, he steals up hehind Bags 
who holds up and ajdmires her ring. 

Rev. C. {aside) 'Tis the very ring I lost in my purse ; 
she must have picked my pocket. I will go for an officer. 

{exit, c. 

Enter, Bottles, loith 'pax^er sack. 

Bot, It's all right. Bags, I told him as how I reckoned 
we'd have to make this feedin' last till next Thanksgivin', 
also that we wasn't bloated bankers, an' had hard diggin' for 
grub. He gave me this bag an' said I could take all we 
couldn't eat. Hain't it slick ? 

Rags. Well, I should smile — -Here's two jam tarts. 

{stuffing them in 

Bot. Hold on Bags, put the solids in fust, or ye'll smash 
'em an' then they would be jam tarts, {they put in all the 
leavings) Now ready. Bags? 

Rags. Yep. Let me git my gloves on, an' my op'ra hat 
set square. {she takes his arm and sailing down stage, 
svyitches her train, knocking Bottles dowii) 

Bot. Was that you ? 

Rags. No, it was my train. 

Bot. "Well, look out how you switch it, or you'll run 
over me. 

Rags. Never mind, Fwcddy, your paws wich 

Bot. Come along me Jersey cabbage. 

Offering his arm — while she is fixing her train, Police en- 
ters and steps hetween, and takes hold of them. 



RAGS AND BOTTLES. W 

PoUee. Kids, I want you. 

Bot. You don't mean us ? I say, boss, you've got the 
wrong party. "We hain't done nothin', have we, Rags ? 
Hags. No, boo, hoo, hoc ! {crying 

Bot. What's the racket, boss? 
Police. Lifting a purse. Come on. {go up stage o. 

Enter, Brisket, l. u. e. 

Br'is. Sold on, officer, {they stojS) Say, what are you 
takin' those youngsters up for ? 

Police. Stealing a purse. 

Bris. Ah, that's a serious charge — 

Bot. But, sir — 'taint — 

Bris. Never mind my little man, your turn will come. 
Who said they stole it ? 

Enter, Rev. Clearstarch, c. 

Rev. C. {stepping forward) I did. 

Bris. And you said these children stole your purse ? 
How do you know they did ? 

Rev. C. Why, I know, that is, I think they did. 

Bris. "VYell, you're a blamed — 

Police. Come, none of that. Mr — let's see, your name ? 

Rev. C. Clearstarch. The Rev. Mr. Clearstarch. 

Bris. Good heavings ! • (laughs 

Police. Keep quiet. Well, Mr. Clearstarch, you can 
state your case. 

Rev. C. Um-aw ! yes sir. This morning I purchased a 
diamond ring for my daughter, I put the ring in my purse 
and the purse into my pocket. After walking several 
streets I came here for some refreshments. Upon wishing 
to pay my bill, I found my purse gone. I looked in all my 
pocket but to no avail. Previous to that in passing this 
girl I saw a diamond ring glisten on her finger. I thought 
I recognized it, but after missing my purse, I returned and 
looked closely at it and recognized it positively, and knew 
she must have taken the purse. The girl picked my pocket. 

Police. Sure of that, Mr. Clearstarch ? 

Rev. C. She must have done so ; how else could she 
have got the ring ? 

Police. And the ring and purse — 



16 KAGS AND BOTTLES. 

Rev. C. The ring is on the girl's finger, and the purse 
I believe the boy has. 

Bot. Here they both is, boss, but you're wrong about 
Eags priggin' 'em. {gives them up 

Police. This seems a bad case. Now, my little man tell 
your story. 

Bot. If you please, sir, I'm only a boy, rough an' all 
that, sir, I swear sometimes an' — an' may be you wouldn't 
b'leve me. She'll tell all about it, you see she's only a girl 
what hain't got no friends in all the world but Bottles ; Bot- 
tles is me, sir. Rags is her name, she never swears an' — 
she never picked his pockets — I knows that 'cause I'm her 
guargen, you see — {turns toward her) Now, Rags, tell it 
all. The gospel shark can't hurt you. 

Rags, {stejjs forward wijnng her eyes) Please, mister 
perlice man, I hain't never done nothin' bad, Bottles he 
knows as how I didn't, an' Bottles alius was good to me, sir. 
He's gin me lots to eat when he hain't had nothin' himself 
so he has. 

Bot. But teil thehossifer how yer found the puss an' the 
boodle. 

Rags. Yer see I was pickin' rags down on Water street 
an' I seed sumthin' lyin' in a crack of the sidewalk. Think- 
in' as how it might belong to a man what had jist passed I 
picked it up an' runned arter him, but he'd got out of sight. 
So, thinkin' it might get lost for good if I put it back I kept 
it, an' Bottles said as how 'twas mine, an' as how it was a 
streak of luck seein' we was both hungry, an' we could have 
a jolly feed an — an — an— that's all. 

Police. It seems to me the girl tells the truth. 

Bris. Of course she has told the truth, the whole truth 
and nothin' but the truth, so help me bob, and that I'm will- 
in' to swear to. 

Police. What do you know about it, man ? 

Bris. I knows, and I kin swear that this unfortunate 
girl has told it just as it was. 

Police. How do you know this? 

Bris. Well, I saw her when she picked it up, saw her 
run to find the owner, saw her give it to her boy friend, and 
saw them both start off to get a good feed as she calls it. 
Furthermore I stand here and say from the bottom of my 
heart that I know both of them to be honest, square and 



RAGS AND BOTTLES 17 

npright. They are unfortunate children of the street who 
make an honest living. They are poor, hut poverty is no 
crime. Officer, I am givin' it to you straight. 

Police. Then, Mr. Clearstarch, it appears you are 
wrong. 

Rev. C. Um-aw! Perhaps so. 

Bris. Perhaps so? Gol dumb you, don't you know so? 
Why don't you own you were mistaken, like a man ? Dumb 
it, I wouldn't give much for your religion if that's the way 
you practice it. I'd work charity and benevolence before 
I'd profess it. 

Police. Do you withdraw the charge ? 

Rev. C. Yes. 

Police. Then here is your ring and purse. You will 
not find the whole amount in, but of course having recovered 
your property you will be willing to donate that dinner for 
charity's sake as a reward for their finding your valuables. 

Rev. C. I suppose I will have to, perforce. 

Bris. Yes, and say, Mr. Minister, before you go, give us 
one of your tracts on charity and benevolence. 

Rev. C. My duty calls me elsewhere. {going 

Bris. All right — good day to you. Call again when 
you can't stay so long. 

Rev. C. {aside) Um-aw ! Deliver me from the Phil- 
istines, {exit G.,with Officer 

Bris. And now I have an offer to make you children. 
If you'll have me for your daddy, and promise to behave 
yourselves, I'll give you a home and do the square thing by 
you. 

Bot. Will ye ? honor bright, cross yer heart, ilags do 
you hear that ? Our butcher friend offers to 'dopt us as his 
own. 

Rags. Hain't he foolin'? 

Bot. No, I guess not — Say, boss, you ain't playin' it on 
us, ain't givin' us taffy ? 
Bris. No. 

Bot. All right, pop, Rags an' I's willin', an' you'll never 
hev reason to be sorry fer yer kindness, if I do so say it my- 
self. Hoop, Rags, I feel like spoutin' agin'. {struts 
Rags. I feels happy too. {dancing 
Bris. Well, then, since you both feel happy, suppose 



18 RAGS AND BOTTLES. 

you sing and dance one of your pieces I see you practicing 
on my door step so often. 

Bot. All right, po]), we'll do it to please you, an' also 
our other friends in liont, whom we wish to always think 
kindly of the two wild waifs, Kags and Bottles. 

{all dance and sing 



CURTAIN. 



y 



iimes' Plays — GDntinuEd. 



^ 



NO. 

72 
19 
42 

220 

14a 

218 
224 
Zii 
154 
184 
209 
13 
66 
116 
120 
103 

50 

140 

74 

35 

47 

95 

11 

99 

82 

182 

127 

228 

106 

139 

231 

23/5 

69 

1 

158 

23 

208 

212 

32 

186 

44 

33 

57 

217 

165 

195 

159 

171 

180 

48 

138 

115 

65 

232 

137 

40 

3H 

131 

101 

167 

68 

54 



Br 



FARCES CONTINUED. 

Deuce is in Him 6 1 

Did 1 Dieain it 4 %3 

Domesric Felicity 1 1 

Dutch Prize Fivluer 3 

D.tchyvs. NiKger 3 

Eh? Wi at Did You Say 3 1 

Everybody Astonished 4 

Fooling with the Wrong Man 2 1 

Freezing a Mother-in-La\v... 2 1 

Fun in a Post Uttiee 4 2 

I'amily Discipline , 1 

Goose with the Golden Eggs„ 5 3 

Give Me Mv Wife 3 3 

Han?, the Dutch J. P 3 1 

Hash 4 2 

H. M.S. Plum 1 1 

IIow Sister Paxey got her 

Child Biiptiz d 2 1 

How She has Own Way 1 3 

How He Popped the Quest'n. 1 1 

How t) Tame M-in-Law 4 2 

How Stout Vour Getting 5 2 

In the Wrong Box 3 

In the AVrong Clothes 5 3 

John Smith 5 3 

Jumbo Jura _ 4 3 

Killing Time 1 1 

Kittle'- Wedding Cake 1 3 

Lick Skillet Wedding 2 2 

]j uiderbaeh's Little Surprise 3 

Ludi'ings for Two ; 3 

Matrimonial Blis.s 1 1 

Matcli lor a Mothcr-in-Law.. 2 2 

More Blunders than one 4 3 

Mother's Fool 6 1 

Mr. and Mr.^. Pringle 7 4 

Mr. Hudson's Tiger Hunt 1 1 

My Heart's in Highlands 4 3 

> y Precious Betsey 4 4 

My Turn Next 4 3 

M^ Wife's Kchitions 4 4 

My Day and Now-a-Days 1 

Obedience 1 2 

On the Sly 3 2 

Paddy Miles' Boy 5 2 

Patent Washing Mochinc 4 i 

Persecuted Uutchnian 6 3 

Poor Pilicody 2 3 

Quiet Family 4 4 

liough Diamond .t. 4 '■'> 

Ripples 2 

Schnaps 1 1 

Sewing Circle of P. riod 5 

S. H. A. M. Pinafore 3 3 

Somebody's Noljody •' 2 

Stage Struck Yankee 4 2 

Taking the Census 1 1 

Thiit Mysterious B'dle 2 i; 

Tiie Bewitched Closet 5 'J. 

The Cigarette 4 2 

The Coming Man _.... 3 1 

Turn Him Out 3 2 

The Sham Prof ssor 4 (i 

The Two T. J's 4 2 

CANTATA. 215 On to Vic 



NO. 

28 Thirty-three Next Birthday.. 

142 Tit for Tat 

213 Vermont Wool Dealer 

151 Wanted a Husband 

5 AYhen Women Weep 

66 Wooing Under DiffieuUiei 

/O Whicti win he Marry _... 

Ki3 Widower's Trials 

147- AYakiiig Him Up "" 

15o Why they Joined the Re- 
beccas 

Ill Y'ankee Duelist ".. 

167 I'aukee Peddler '. 



4 
3 1 
7 3 



ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 

204 Academy of Stars 

15 All Unhappy Pair 

172 Black Shoemaker 

98 Black Statue ."." 

222 Colored Senators 

214 Chops „... 

145 Cuff's Luck .■."■.■.■.■.■■.■.■.■".■.■.■. 

190 Crimps Trip 

27 F'etter Lane to Gravesend.....' 

230 Hamlet the Dainty 

Li3 Haunted HouSe 

24 Handy Andy '.„.'. 

23(1 1I.\ puchondriac 'The ."'.." 

77 Joe's Vis t 

88 Mischievous Nigger .'. 

128 Musical Darkev 

ifO No Cure No Pay 

61 Not as Deaf as He Seems..!!!! 

234 Old Dad's Cabin 

160 OldPompev 

109 Other Peop'le's Children'.'.!.'.'.!.'.! 

13t Pump's Pranks 

177 Quarrelsome Servants 

9o Rooms to Let 

107 School !!.""." 

133 Seeing Besting .'.'.'.'.!!.! 

179 Sham Doctor 

94 16,000 Years Ago !.".".".".!! 

25 Sport with a Sportsman ! 

92 Stage Struck Darkey 

10 Stocks Up, Stocks Down 

61 That Boy Sam 

122 'riu> Select School 

118 The Popcorn Man .•. 

6 The Studio „ 

108 Those Awful Boys 

4 Twain's Dodging 

197 Tricks 

198 Uncle Jetf „ 

170 U. S. Mail !.■■■■■■ 

216 Vice Versa 

206 Villkcns and Dinah .! 

210 Virginia ."Mummy 

203 AVho Stole the Chickens 

206 William Tell 

166.- Wig-Maker and His Servants 
GUIDE BOOKS. 

17 Hints on Elocution 

130 Hijits to Amateurs 

ory (witlT chorus) 25 cents 4 6 



3 



1 


1 




1 

2 

1 


1 
1 

2 


1 

5 
3 
3 3 
3 
2 



3 



A 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



r§t PLAYS RECENTLY P 



H-J PRICE 15 CENTa E 

219 Rags and Bottles. Au original coim 001 381 479^ ft C' 

Tiiylor, 4 mules, I teinalu. A i)l!iy by the author of Tne Afflicted Family is suflioient 
guarantee ot its excellence. Hugs and J^ottles are two street waifc, and the play 
follows their fortunes through good and bad. An opportunity is given to introduce 
soTigs and dances. The balance of the characters are good. Costumes modern. Time 
of performance 1 1-2 hourg. 

220 Dutcliey vs. Nigger. An original sketch in 1 scene, by James 0. 
Luster, .') males. A landlord li.i.-- two servants— one ji Dutchman, the other a negro, 
who are continually playinji tricks ui".n each other, which are very laughable. Time 
in |)Iiiying about 20 minutes. Costumes modern. 

221 Solon Shingle; or the People's Liaixryer. A comedy in 2 acts, 
by .1. 8 .Jones. An e.xccilent pl:iy. and ea>ily put on the stage, the scenery not be- 
ing dithcult to arrange. Sunie ol the liest Cominlians have starred in the character of 
Solon Shingle. Costumes modern. Time of pwformance 1% hours. 

222 The Colored Senators. An Ethiopian burlesque in 1 scene, by Bert 
Richards. .'! males. A very laughahle e.xperieiueof two darkey's, who became dead 
broke and hungr.v- their schemes to get a meal of the landlord of a "hotel, are very 
anmsirig. Costumes modern. Time of performance, 25 minutes. 

223 Old Honesty. A Domestic drama in 2 acts, by John Madison Morton, 
.") males, 2 females. An e.\cellent play with a good moral, showing the truth of the 
old saying that "Honesty is the best Policy." Scenery, interiors. Costumes modern. 
Time about 2 hours. 

224 Fooling -fb-ith the Wrong Man. An Original farce in 1 act, by 
Bert liiohaids, 2 ui.ih^s, 1 lemale. Character- .ire an Irishman who is not such a fool 
as he looks, a dude, and a society belle. The situations are very funny, and the 
farcin must be read to be appreciated. Costumes eccentric to suit. Time of perform- 
ance •"■;') minutes, 

225 Cupids' Capers. A farce-comedy in .3 acts, by Bert Richards, 4 males, 
4 tenuiles. U.ertiows \> itli fun from beginning to end. A lawyer, his son, a Dutch- 
man, and a negro are the ma;e characters. A giddy widow and her beautiful daugh- 
ter, a (ienuan servant girl, and the Irish hotel proprietress are the females. Costumes 
modern. Time of iierforiuance about 1 hour. 

226 Brae the Poor House Girl. A drama in three acts, by C. L. Piper, 
4 males, 4 females. The cliarm-ter of Brae, is a capital one for a scnbrette, after the 
style of Fanchon the l!rieket, etc. All characters are good. It abounds in fine situa- 
tions, and is a greiit success. (Costumes modern. Time of performance 2 hours. 

227 Maud's Peril. A drama in 4 acts, by Watts Phillips, 5 males 3 females. 
A very i)opuU)rdiiima of the present time. Strong and sensational. English Cos- 
tumes of the present time. Easily put on the stage. Time 1 1-2 hours. 

228 Liauderbauch's Liittle Surprise- An Original farce in one scene, 

by E. Henri B.iuuian. ■'> males. A roaring piece, the huiiior being aboutequally divid- 
ed between a Dutcliinan— a negro digu.sed as a woman, and a negro boy. Costumes 
modern. Place anywhere. Time of perforuianee 2U minutes, ' 

229 The Mountebanks; A Specialty-drama in 4 acts, by Fred. Q. An- 
drews, 6 males J females. Two of the characters assume various disguises, at once 
eflective aud artistic. The drama is replete with tine situations, and unlookcd-tor 
developments. iMirth and giidiiess are well combined. Costumes modern. Time 
of perrorniaiH^e 2 hours. An .Vnieriean dram:i of the present time. 

230 Hamlet the Dainty. An Ethiopian burlesque on Shakespeare's 
Hiimlet, by <iritiiii, () males, 1 tema!e. Burlesque costumes of Hamlet. Very fun- 
ny. Time !:"> minutes. 

231 Match for a Mother-in-Lia-w. A Comedietta in 1 act, by Wybert 
Reeve, H males, 2 lemales. The henpecked husband, his friend, a senant, the wife 
and the mother-in-law, constitutes the dramatis personie. Very suitable for private 
an<l amateur use, as well as professional. Costumes modern. Interior scene. Time 
;i"> minutes. 

232 Stage Struck Yankee. A farce in 1 act, by 0. E. Durivage, 4 males. 
2 females, ,-eenes, interiors. .\ Yankee becomes b.-idly stage struck, by seeing a 
play ill a l>arn. discards his affianced for an actress. The manner of his becoming 
disenchanted, is shown in the |>lay. It is full of laugh. Time 45 minutes. 

233 Freezing a Mother-in-la-w. A farce in in 1 act, by T. E. Pemher- 
ton, :> males, 2 feiua es. Costumes modern. One interior scene. Old man 2 walk- 
ing gents, old woman, walking lady. A mother-in-law is to be frozen in order to 
gain her consent to her djiughter's marriage. She discovers the plot, substitutes 
water for the freezing fluid, yi-t pret'iids to be equally affectual by it. Time 45 
minutes. 

234 Old Dad's Cabin. An Ethiopian farce in one act, by Charles White, 
2 males. 1 f' male. An c eel'eiit (l;Mke,\ pla\-, full ot good situations and sparkling 
dialogue. Cosliiiiies modern. Time JH miniiies. 



